He Drank to Forget
by Manizu
Summary: Sans drank to forget everything he had seen. Over the course of a drunken night, he slowly opens up to Grillby. Fem!Chara. (Initially a one-shot, but expanded.)
1. A Drunken Confession

Sans slammed the shot glass down on the bar counter.

"Grillby. hook me up with another 'un." His voice slurred; the bartender could tell he was drunk.

"…Sans…while I understand what you might be going through—" He didn't. "…I'm cutting you off. No more ketchup."

Sans looked up at him with the face of a kicked puppy.

"...Someone your age doesn't need to make that face. Eugh. All right, just one—but I want you to tell me what's going on."

Sans covered his head with his arms, the sound of his voice muffled by the fabric of his jacket.

"every time, it's always the same. I can't get it out of my head. the images—horrible images. I see them over, and over, and over…"

"…Like what?"

"…terrible things I can't even begin to tell you. and it's…it's all _her fault."_ He slammed a fist on the counter.

"Okay, time to calm down. Who was it? What did they do?"

"I mean, what can I do? I can't stop her. I can't let her know what I know. it doesn't matter, anyway. knowing her, she'll just do it again, and again, and again…"

"You know, I can't help you if you don't start making sense at some point."

"she likes seeing it. gets some sort of an awful kick out of it. I can't understand it. and I wouldn't mind so much if it was just all of them, you know? or even if it was just me. but then she dragged my brother into it. now? now, it's personal."

Grillby sighed, and brought over a jar of mustard.

"Inhale."

Sans breathed, sense coming back into his eyes.

"Good. Sober yet?"

The skeleton nodded. "kinda."

"All right. Now, from the top, tell me what happened."

"it was a day like any other day, it was a day where nothing ever tried to get in my way, until I listened to pieces of a radio show…"

The bartender gave in, pushing his face into the jar of mustard as he continued mumbling nonsense to himself. "I swear I'm going to throw out all the ketchup before you come here again. No—I'll keep it in a safe in the back. You'll need a password to get in it."

"it seems the end of the world will arrive in a day, so you should go to Alphys's lab and watch anime while you still can…"

Ah. Finally, something that resembled clarity.

"Hm. Did something happen to you at Alphys's lab?"

"she told me to watch this show called Dundertale, right? and I thought, sure, why the skel not? but she was in the bathroom for some reason when I got there (I mean, that's not normal, right? unless she was eating human food again…ugh, her obsession's really gotten out of control these days). so, I looked for the file on her computer myself."

"I couldn't remember the name of the show, but I came across another file. and a whole world opened up before my eyes. I understood everything. I saw all of it. and…and I wanted to kill her. the file was named…"

"…Undertail."

Grillby took off his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Then, without a word, he set an extra-large bottle of hot sauce on the counter.

"Drink all you want. It's on me tonight."

 **And then they ki—NDA HAD A BRO MOMENT. THE END.**

* * *

Notes/Manizu Chatter:

Sans is gonna need something a little stronger.

And now, I should clarify: I have NEVER come across any Undertail, thankfully (except a topless picture of Toriel I found when I WAS JUST TRYING TO FIND COSPLAY REFERENCE MY POOR INNOCENT EYES). But, uh, people say weird things about it. I…eh.

Anyway…Alphys seems to kind of have a crush on everyone (yep, even Asgore, Toriel, and Mew Mew), so…I wouldn't doubt that she…

Has anime figures of all of them. Hey, the ones on the Fangamer shop right now are really cute.


	2. When the Readers Give You Lemons

I…oh, wow. I said it was a one-shot, didn't I? But you all kept hitting that "Follow" button. Do people really want this to continue? You realize there's only one way this can go, right?

…Lemon?

Yup, lemon. Lemon from the girl who's never even been in any sort of romantic relationship, and has lived a relatively sheltered life.

All right. Don't say I didn't warn you. Lemon beginning in three, two…

* * *

(Takes place on the surface, post-Pacifist Ending. Soriel, because it's one of the few ships I can stand. It's better if you imagine this in hand puppets.)

"heya, Tori, look what I found." Sans pulled a couple of bizarre objects from the pocket of his hoodie, raising a non-eyebrow suggestively.

"Oh! Sans! How scandalous!" Toriel covered her eyes, thankful Frisk wasn't in the room.

"…uh, I dunno what you're thinking, but…they're lemons."

"…Huh? Lemons?"

"yup. found 'em growing on a tree in our backyard. haven't you ever heard of them before?"

She shook her head, and a grin spread across Sans's face. Of course she hadn't heard of them. Lemons were rare in the Underground, and for someone who usually dealt more with sweets and pastries than sour things…

He decided he'd have a little fun.

"ah, man, they're the best. just like oranges, only sweeter." He turned around, pretending to peel the fruit as he slipped a tab of a certain sour-to-sweet candy in his mouth. "see?" He bit down on a slice, relishing the falsely sweet flavor.

"Oh, I see. Is it anything like that soda Alphys drinks?"

"yeah, that's it. just try one."

"Hmm…well, all right…" She popped a slice in her mouth. "Oh! How wonderful! It's not sweet at all, but it's such a wonderfully refreshing flavor!"

Sans could only stare in shock.

"…uh…"

"Oh, and it would go so well in tea—and pies—and—"

"…uh, actually, I…"

"Oh! Frisk will be home soon! I'm sure they'd love to try the other one!"

"Tori, no, wait, TORI—"

"Hm? What is it?"

Sans's mind reeled. He had only wanted to play a prank on her. But now, what he had done was beyond his mere selfish desire. He had brought that kid into it. They hadn't done anything wrong. They weren't completely innocent, but they kept a certain tenderness in their heart.

He knew that if they tried the lemon straight, that tenderness would be gone.

"…uh…lemons are poisonous to humans."

"Huh? Are they? Then why would they make things that taste like them? Like Alphys's so—"

"—POISONOUS TO HUMANS UNLESS YOU MAKE 'EM A CERTAIN WAY!"

"Oh, dear, no need to shout. All right, then. What should I do with it?"

"…well…" All right. It would need to be something sweet. He knew that much. So, sugar. Lots of sugar. "first, you have to juice 'em, and then water the juice down. and then, add lots and lots of sugar…"

"Is that it? That seems a little boring. And how does adding sugar make it any less poisonous?"

"…the two poisons cancel each other out. uh, the paradichlorobenzene from the lemon reacts with the antichlorobenzene from the sugar, and it's all good." He spouted off some vaguely scientific nonsense he had picked up from one of Alphys's rhythm games.

"Oh, I see. But…water, lemon juice, and sugar? Isn't that kind of plain?"

"you should really try it sometime. it's addictive. that's really all you need."

"But what if you put something else in it? Something like that needs…hm. How about mint?"

"…yeah, probably, as long as you don't put too much in it. really, it's good the way it is."

But he had planted a dangerous seed in Toriel's mind.

"Or maybe cloves, or—come with me, Sans! I need your opinion!" She took the skeleton's hand, and dragged him kicking and screaming toward the kitchen.

* * *

The concoction stood before Sans on the counter.

Well, half of it, anyway. She wanted him to taste-test it first. And understandably so. The clear glass was filled with an arcane brown liquid that shimmered sinisterly in the light.

Toriel didn't have mint, and she only had half the needed amount of cloves. So she improvised—or "improved," as she would put it. Butterscotch, cinnamon, caramel, plum, and a dash of ketchup 'Just for you, Sans!' went in, along with the required lemon juice, water, and no less than 80 grams of sugar.

A drop of sweat trickled down his skull.

"Well? What do you think?"

"I…uh…"

He was saved by the sound of the front door opening.

"Mom, I'm home! Hey, is Sans here? I saw Papyrus shouting about something outside."

"Oh, Frisk! Good timing! Come taste this drink Sans showed me how to make!"

Sans buried his face in his hands. "kid, whatever happens, I'm not responsible—"

Frisk looked at the drink dubiously, face turning a shade of green. They took a hesitant sip.

"…Wow. This is really good! Really? Sans showed you how to make this?"

If Sans had eyes, he was certain they would be bulging out by now. Did anyone around him have a normal sense of taste? He always thought his was at least a little normal, even if his brother said otherwise.

…His brother. Yes, Papyrus would be able to sort this all out.

"be right back." Sans teleported outside. "hey, bro."

"GAH! SANS, DON'T DO THAT! …AND WHERE WERE YOU TODAY?! GUARD DUTY STARTED AT 8:00!"

"just did a little… _bone-doggling."_

"I SWEAR YOU'VE ONLY GOTTEN WORSE SINCE WE CAME TO THE SURFACE."

"mm, yeah, probably. hey, bro…you've got a good sense of taste, right?"

"ME? WELL, OF COURSE! A COOL DUDE LIKE THE GREAT PAPYRUS WOULD NATURALLY HAVE A REFINED PALATE!"

"great. come try this thing Tori made."

He grabbed his hand, and the two teleported back inside, ignoring the front door for some reason.

"hey, Paps wanted to try it, too."

"Oh, Papyrus! I'm so glad you're here! Everyone seems to want to try this drink Sans showed me! Uh…what did you call it?"

"…uh, lemonade…?" Sans questioned himself and his life choices as he looked back and forth between the 'lemonade' and the small crowd that had gathered in Toriel's kitchen. "…Undyne, Alphys, Mettaton EX, Asgore, and even that one monster kid whose name I can't remember…what are you guys doing here?"

"T-the excuse plot demanded it." Alphys tried to wink suggestively, and failed.

Toriel pulled an assortment of glasses from the cabinet and began distributing the drink.

"Oh…if I had known how many of us there would be here, I would have made more…but please, tell me what you think!"

Everyone sans Sans took a drink.

"S-sugoi!"

"This is almost as cool as Undyne!"

"Oh yes, darling!"

"Tori plz notice me…"

"You're out of your mind, Dreemur."

"Even though the sugar rots my fighting spirit…it makes my heart strangely happy?!"  
"AH, YES! A REFINED TASTE, PERFECTLY SUITED FOR SOMEONE NOT AT ALL LIKE MY BROTHER!"

Everyone looked toward Sans.

"Come to think of it, darlings…"

"HEY, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU DIDN'T TRY IT."

"Oh, Sans, come on. You and I came up with this together! You have to try it!"

Sweat poured down his face, though mostly at the thought that the horrible death drink was kinda like their child.

"a…all right…"

He shoved his hand in his pocket.

This was it. He'd have to do it, no matter what.

As the left hand reached for the drink, the right hand felt something in his pocket.

The tabs.

That was it!

All he had to do was take a tab before he drank it, and he could get through it!

He discreetly popped a red candy in his mouth, crunching it into powder before taking a sip.

…

He felt something like the rapid polarization and depolarization of his soul. A world of color flashed before his eyes, along with a sped-up version of a song he always thought would make a cool battle theme for him if he ever had to fight someone.

It was simultaneously good and bad. The thought overloaded his lack-of-a-brain, and he passed out.

* * *

He woke up with his head across Toriel's knees, her arms cradled around him in the classic "knee-pillow" pose.

"Oh, my. Are you okay? You were out for a while five seconds…we thought you'd never wake up! So everyone got bored and went home. We're alone now."

"oh. thanks, guys." A little bit of sincerity crept into his voice. He was alone with Toriel. This was good.

"Anyway…what happened? Oh…were you allergic to the cinnamon, maybe, or the butterscotch? I forgot to ask…I'm so sorry…"

He shook his head.

"no…no! it was so good I…kinda lost my mind."

"…You don't have one."

"exactly."

"Oh, dear…" She laughed at Sans's cheesy line, maybe out of pity. "So, Alphys told me something. Did you know humans write these fanfictions called…lemons?"

Thanks to the file Sans found in the last chapter, he indeed knew exactly what she was talking about. Traumatic images flashed through his mind.

"…uh, Tori, where are you going with this?"

"Oh, you know..." She laughed coyly. "Nowhere, really. Humans sure have a lot of uses for lemons, don't they?"

 **And then they made o—ODLES OF LEMON CHESS PIE BECAUSE TORIEL FOUND A LEGENDARY RECIPE PASSED DOWN THROUGH GENERATIONS OF HUMANS. THE END.**

* * *

Notes/Manizu Chatter:

Toriel's Death Lemonade is love, Toriel's Death Lemonade is life, I hate shipping. –A poem by Manizu.

Hey, if you could...please don't leave spoilers for anyone else in the Reviews. I'd really like this to seem like nothing but a normal fanfic.

The tab Sans slips in his mouth is…there's a sort of novelty gift-thing that's essentially a candy tab that temporarily makes sour things seem sweet. It seems like the sort of thing he'd like.

I don't really ship Soriel that much…I mean, the fluffy and vaguely more-than-platonic part of it is cute, but I…think Soriel smut is…really weird. And childfics aren't really my thing…

Lemon chess pie is hot eggy goodness. My dad's recipe is fantastic.


	3. Lemontale

**Between this chapter and the last, I lost a follower, and gained some more. I don't know what that means, but it's time to end this saga!**

 **This chapter takes place in my incredibly original Lemontale AU, in which everyone is a lemon (xcept Sand, b/c he a Gary Stu). Do nOT STEAL PLZ!  
**

* * *

So one day LemonTori rolls up to Sand and is all like, "Sansd! Y u no lemon?!"

*so Sand cried magic blue tears or idk something and fuound Lemonton and was like "*sexy calculator Y I no lemon now girlfriend crying lemon juice goin 2 corrode mah eye batteries help"

And 4 no reeeson Mettaton Lemonton transformed into Lemonntun EXtra and gave Sands lemon soot.

So Sandsy leuk like lemon.

And LemonPaprus said, "U Impasta! U no lemon!"

And screemed 4 5 hours at his pun while Sandsdg laufgh.

And then Alphys showed up liek "Did u know that the kandy for lemon has like a m-millon strokes"

And Undyne wuz like "WE DO CALLIGRAPHY NAO"

So intenz calligrapheee was dun (despite no armz b/c lemons), and ink splattered everwherez,, and Sei Honda cri b/c it wun 1st priez.

And Alphysikal was liek "We disappointed the animu character oh no he cry rivers down iz face"

*And Sandsgf was like "i*t dozen matter, author only threw him in b/c she liek Barack o' Pokemon." [A/N: Sanzy gets 2 brek 4th Wall b/c he's my problematic face, yay Tumblr lol}

And Undine Code:Realized "oh, we can't read the calligraphy b/c it's in lemon jooce ngahh!"

So Tori said "where did u get the juice?"

And Ppayrus was ded, with jooce spluttered all over the wallssss1!11 And pulp everwhere! And juice!11!1

And sans was like "Undeen u gon have bad tem!"

And Paprysu gut up oike "iz fine merely a fresh wound"

And Underfresh showed up like "Yo dawg did u call me?"

And Grillby sed, "FLAME ONNN!" and bainished tha FreootLoop to the depfhs of Tumrblr. And Bluburry and Bluckburry and EDdgyMcMyImmortal crie.

Sandy wuz like, "*Wau, Grillbz, wut a hot move."

And rillby flexed his hot lemon boceps ;) .

And suddnlee Lemon!Jerry shows up like "Why is there no lemon in Lemontale?"

Ever1 sed, "Y u yooz proper grammar Jer-e? Go away, U R NOW EX."

So Sand banushed Jery to Tumbler, 2.

But then!11!

Jer-e found tha Puppyton tegs!

He ubsorbed the power of Undertail and ended tha world!

But Lemon!Fresk brought it bak with Detemmienation!

As in, a Naetion of Tems!1

So nao Tems rooled the world!

and wr0t3 this store111!

And then the author lost interest and decided to end it here.

…

…

* * *

 **Help.**

 **(Is this even readable by human beings?)**

… **I want to draw a comic of this now. Double help.**

 **(Also, the Barack o' Pokemon joke was sort of tweaked from Them Anime Reviews. So…consider this shoplifting of their joke revenge for their recent treatment of my total guilty pleasure, GetBackers.)**

 **So! At the very end, this story finally has a cover image! (I think I spent more time on that than on this entire chapter.)**

 **...**

 **In summary: this fandom is doomed.**


End file.
